I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
