id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
