I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
