Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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