Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
