I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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