every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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