I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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