dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
