So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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