I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
