The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
