I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
