My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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