But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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