Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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