Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
