Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
