stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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