I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
