A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
