i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
