im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
