i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
