i permit you to call me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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