I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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