I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
