for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
