did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
