My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
