Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
