She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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