my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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