remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
