what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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