How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
