instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
