chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
