I faked an abortion last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
