Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
