Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
