im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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