The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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