Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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