The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
