I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
