I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
