Whod you bang
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
