my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
