After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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