I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
