one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
