There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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