I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
