The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
