Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
