I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
