ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
