??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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