4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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