is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
