he fucked my hip out of place.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
