Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
