I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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