that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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