I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
