theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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