Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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