i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She tied me up with her honor cords...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
