Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
