Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
