your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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