So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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