I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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