she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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