who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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