worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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