the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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