that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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