Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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