How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
