They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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