What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
