oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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