Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
