so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
