The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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