Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
