my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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