She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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