well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
